bad/awesome flixxx review: Meatballs Part II (1984)

"Fanny, look, snakes only come out like that once a year. " - Jaime

"I'm not a dork, I'm Italian!" - Flash

"Just remember ladies. That this is a cabin for respectable women. There will be no talk of pinkies. They're not playthings, you know! They're weapons! Dangerous weapons! Like loaded guns! They can go off when you least expect it!" - Fanny

Here we go with another one of those old type flicks I haven't seen in around 20 years, but you never really lose any of it. You remember it like it was yesterday. It wasn't as good as the original and was really just a rip off that somehow ended up getting the rights to the name, ultimately resulting in a (!) franchise. But I saw this one around the time I was first going to camp and I was hoping girls would be slutty. Only thing is I was about the age of the younger dudes going to camp, not the teenagers. Paul Reubens (feckin Pee-Wee), Richard Mulligan (EMPTY NEST), Kim Richards (ESCAPE FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN), John Larroquette (NIGHT COURT), Ogre (REVENGE OF THE NERDS) & Jason Hervey (THE WONDER YEARS) all star in MEATBALLS PART II!!!

So, in the beginning, the absolute cheesiest 80s "summer" "fun" song comes on while some campers are being driven to camp in a bus by Pee-Wee Herman. A camper in a wheelchair races the bus to camp. No one ever says shit about why the kid is in a wheelchair. Apparently this flick went through major cuts. Over 80 minutes of sex scenes were shot and cut from the film to lower the rating from R to PG. There are two stories going on in the flick. The first involves a greaser delinquent camp counselor named Flash who falls for this chick. The head of Camp Sasquatch is about to get bought out by the Army Camp across the lake so the Sgt head camp guy over there can expand his army camp. The head of Sasquatch bets that whoever wins the camp boxing match at the end of the summer will win the lake and therefore force the loser to close their camp. I don't even think the campers are aware of the scheme.

The other thing going on in this flick is like a spoof on E.T. This alien with stereotypical Jewish alien parents gets dropped off to spend the summer at camp. The younger boys in Flash's cabin befriend the alien. One of the boys speaks to the alien and says, "Me Ted". The alien repeats him, but the boys think he says "meathead". So they name him Meathead. Meathead dresses in a rain slicker and no one else notices he's an alien all summer. Meathead also has powers like walking through walls and telekinesis.

There are two head councilors that are just finding places to bang each other all summer. Anyway Flash finally figures out that Meathead lives there when he's smoking a joint in the cabin. Meathead takes the joint and smokes it. His eyes get red and he floats into the air. PARTYIN. Cheryl, the naive blond chick tells her bunkmates that she's never seen a "pinkie" (weiner). So they set out to con Flash into skinny dipping with her. But the army campers invade at night by boat to do something that I can't remember. Then later its time for the big boxing match. I think when he was skinny dipping he got stuck out there and kidnapped or drugged or something. Then he had to steal a dress out of John Larroquette's wardrobe because he was caught nude. Larroquette was gay in this. Then Flash had to show up and fight in a dress.

Flash has to fight Ogre from REVENGE OF THE NERDS. He's getting his ass kicked... Hell, he gets knocked out, and then Meathead makes him fly around like a fairy, prompting lots of gay jokes. But he ends up winning. whoops. spoiler warning. Should you watch it? Yes. Sorry if I don't sound so enthusiastic. It is great if you love early 80s cheese. I can't find a goddamned picture of him, but the french chef looked like Doug Benson's heavyset uncle.

Friday, February 17, 2012