"That's the only kinda pussy you'll ever see... go lift some weights and give yourself a hernia." - Danitra

"Why don't you stick it in your 'dark side'?" - David

"AAAAIIGHGGGHHHHH! Honey! There's two huge men wrestling in the back seat of our carrrrr!" - Woman
"Eh, shut up." - Man

"Didn't dad have old timer's disease?"
"No, you mean Alzheimer's disease."
"Yeah, he turned into like Ronald Reagan ya know. Couldn't remember anything. And one day, I guess he couldn't remember to wake up." - Peter and David

For some reason in the early 90s, the two twin muscle "barbarian" brothers were given a series of chances to make feature films. I can only remember this one and the other one where they're truck drivers called THINK BIG, but there were a couple of them. And for some other reason, I liked them. I used to watch them with my old man. He liked them because the barbarian brothers were in D.C. CAB. So anyway, for some other "other" reason Roddy McDowell agreed to be the bad guy in this one. So there ya have it, Roddy McD, Peter and David "Barbarian", David Carradine (pre comeback), Tito from Tito and Tarantula/DESPERADO/MACHETE/etc., and no one else in DOUBLE TROUBLE!!! (this is the whole flick, cause I can't find the trailer)

The plot of this flick is fairly simple. Raiders fan David (or Peter, i can't remember, they're twins) is a cop in LA and is on a case searching for a cat burglar who actually spraypaints cats on the wall and then reports the crime while he's still performing it. Turns out that the cat burglar is actually Peter (or David) the other ones twin brother- that he HATES. Yeah they can't stand each other. Peter knows this and he pours salt on the wound all day long. There's this other guy who's a bigshit standup citizen (McDowell) who has a team of thugs (Bill Mumy, Tito, etc) who are brutally murdering diamond merchants for some reason. In the beginning they kill this one English dude (I think he was English) and steal this card key. Peter steals it from one of their diamond storage units basically on accident.
Peter gets away from David and Danitra, and then Danitra gets killed by one of McD's associates along with another associate who was gonna rat him out to her. Peter then gets caught by setting a trap for David and then springing it on himself. Scottie from STAR TREK plays David's chief and he assigns Peter to help solve the murder much to David's chagrin. They quickly get on the scent along with Corbin Bersen's real life brother playing "Whitney". Peter keeps trying to get away and soon he does. He finds out by a quick cameo from David Carradine that the key card is for this huge diamond warehouse place and they figure out what's happening.
Whitney gets knocked out at Peter's house where an ambush is set up, Peter gets locked in the car by David but gets out by taking the steering wheel off. He saves David, but then when they go to chase the bad guy, he can't drive his car. So they are still pissed at each other over and over and over again. Finally they figure out some big shit politician is in on the game with McD and they shake him down and turn his car upside down. Then Peter talks David into putting on a nice suit and staking them out at a fancy restaurant.
Finally the card gets stolen back, but the mulletbound, I mean musclebound duo is all over it. They go under the subway to thwart the bad guys and somehow........................SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT...........
they kill Roddy McD. And then what? I don't know I guess they lift some weights. Its a pretty shitty movie, but if you love shitty movies then its right up yer alley. I guess I really wanted to see the truck driver one. I can't remember, maybe its just as shitty. We'll see because I'm currently searching for a copy as you read this. Cool.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Double Trouble (1992)